Ex-player says effects of head injuries made him suicidal
· Yahoo Sports
Warning: This article contains discussion around suicide and depression.
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Former Great Britain rugby league player Josh Jones has revealed he came close to taking his own life as a result of what he says are the effects of head injuries sustained while playing the sport.
Having retired in 2023 because of concussion-related issues, he was then diagnosed with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) aged 31.
The degenerative brain disease is linked to repeated blows to the head and causes an increased risk of mental illness.
Jones - who made 246 Super League appearances for a number of clubs - is among the youngest and highest-profile claimants in a concussion lawsuit against rugby league authorities.
In his first interview since quitting the game, the former international second row told BBC Sport he considered suicide during his playing career.
"It breaks my heart to share this, but the day before the start of a season, I was contemplating ending my life, and that is how dark it got," he said.
"I sat there for hours contemplating [it] because I didn't like the person I was becoming. I felt a burden to my family.
"It was awful, and the scariest thing was, that evening [my wife] Olivia managed to calm me down and bring me home… and I played the following day."
Unable to regulate emotions
Jones says he developed various symptoms after being regularly concussed during training and matches.
Speaking to BBC Sport from Malaysia, where he and his family now live, he said: "I noticed that if I was doing simple tasks, like making my children a bottle of water, trying to pour it and trying to steady my hand, putting a card in the card machine, putting the keys in the door, I just couldn't stop my shaking," he said.
"And that's when things progressively started to get worse; headaches, brain fog, neck pain, eye pain… I'm sensitive to light and to noise, anxiety, depression.
"The scariest thing I find is being unable to regulate my emotions. That terrifies me. I cope with it by just taking myself away. It's been at the detriment sometimes of our marriage and me being a father and as a friend. I very much isolate myself.
"I would never let my children play, and that's a really sad thing."
Jones' wife Olivia told BBC Sport that the changes in her husband's personality were "very gradual at first" but became "impossible to ignore".
"He went from being confident, energetic, and present to being withdrawn, irritable, forgetful - and he just seemed to be constantly in pain," she said.
"And he often complained about suffering with headaches, brain fog, and anxiety, and it became quite scary for me."
'It scares the life out of me'
Jones - who won three caps for Great Britain in 2019 - says he was diagnosed with probable stage 2 CTE in July 2024, after he had finished playing.
The degenerative brain disease can only be diagnosed definitively after death, and has been linked to dementia.
"Being told that someone could actually see me and support me and was listening to me, it was just relief, because for so long I'd just been told there's nothing," he added.
"What the governing body was providing for us as players wasn't, in my opinion, good enough, because there's so many players told there's nothing wrong with them.
"I think there needs to be an independent regulatory body for brain health, not just in rugby league, but throughout sport.
"My neurologist has said I'm at high risk now of further problems. It scares the life out of me what I put my body through and what's to come.
"It's heartbreaking, but the hardest thing for me is my children. When I was able to play on a trampoline with them, play football with them in the garden, I loved being a dad.
"And I almost feel like that, to the full extent, has been taken away from me, because right now I can't do those things, and I've got to explain to my children why."
Lack of protocols made symptoms progress - Jones
Jones and other claimants in the concussion lawsuit argue that the Rugby Football League (RFL) was negligent in failing to take reasonable action to protect them from serious brain injuries.
They also claim that the organisation should have established and implemented rules on the assessment, diagnosis and treatment of actual or suspected concussive injuries. The governing body denies liability.
When asked why he decided to join the legal action, Jones said: "I've seen a lot of fans questioning the integrity of players, and saying that they knew the risks.
"I knew I'd have sore shoulders, a bad back, sore knees, maybe arthritis, those sort of physical things. I never knew that I would be left like this - and be living with this neurological damage that the game's given me.
"For me, it's not the game, it's the governance of the game that's the problem. And to add insult to injury, to be abandoned from the sport - it's not right. The governing body has failed to protect its players, and something needs to be done.
"I know it's not just me that's suffering. When I retired, I had lots of former team-mates reach out to me and ask me, 'what care have you got, because I'm suffering with the same symptoms as you'."
Jones says he believes that "a lack of protocols" made his symptoms progress.
Life after rugby
After retirement, Jones tried to forge a career in the financial sector, and then in his father-in-law's demolition business, but said he "couldn't deal with the high-stress environment or the hours" and had to "isolate myself in dark rooms for hours".
"It was just another nightmare," he said. "So, right now, I don't do anything. I'm not employed. In a sense, I can't do anything because I can't work a nine-to-five.
"I need daily treatment. So we had to sell our home to be able to afford to come to the Far East to get cheaper treatment. We're looking to head to New Zealand.
"I'm speaking to neurologists over there who have got a different approach, who are recommended by other players who are going through this.
"Being proactive in trying to slow that transition down, because early-onset dementia, that's a very realistic possibility for me. So is Parkinson's, epilepsy.
"We're just trying to find some help. It has been the hardest time of our lives."
Olivia added that watching her husband struggle after he had retired was "a harsh reality to me as it was 'oh gosh, this is your life now. This isn't just the impact of playing week in, week out. You have now got brain damage'".
"We got to a point in England where there was just no quality of life," she added.
"He didn't leave the house, he completely isolated himself. And obviously, I was scared to leave him on his own. I didn't know what to do and how to help him."
'The sport has never been safer'
In a statement, the RFL said that it "takes player safety and welfare extremely seriously and it is always extremely sad to hear of any health difficulties experienced by former players".
"Rugby League as a sport invests significantly into scientific research, and continues to evolve its approach to help best prevent and manage concussion injuries.
"As such the sport has never been safer in this regard. The RFL has developed a clear action plan including a target to reduce concussions across the sport by 30% and is on track to meet these targets.
"Significant help and assistance is given to former professional players through charity provider Rugby League Cares, [which] supports a comprehensive transition programme supporting players during and post their career, including education and hardship grants.
"A Brain Health Fund has been established offering access to specialist counselling and care - which has provided support to more than 40 former players and their families."
Solicitor Richard Boardman of Rylands Garth, the firm representing the claimants, said: "Josh's problems still stick out, because he should be in the prime of his life.
"Josh has been so brave to discuss this publicly and our hearts go out to those who are suffering in silence."
In December, after five years of legal arguments, claimants in the litigation across both rugby league and union were refused permission to appeal against a decision ordering them to provide all of their medical records to the defendants.
If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, help and support is available via BBC Action Line.